PLEASE READ. APPLYING IN 2 DAYS

[alena.vaylov]

Hello,

I reviewed lefkovic and Forensikchik's essays. Here is mine. I ask you to be as brutal as possible and call me out on as many mistakes as you can. Thanks

"Her name was Zhenya and she passed away long before you came into the world." My mother's words left a deep mark on my three-year-old mind as I stood grasping her hand and trying to understand the situation. The loss of an older sister caused my young heart to grieve. Growing up in a small village of Crimea, region of Ukraine, it was common to hear about children that did not survive due to medical conditions. Zhenya was diagnosed with an inborn genetic illness, thrombocytopenia, but due to a lack of medical knowledge and medications she passed away two days later.
I myself suffered due to the underdevelopment of health care in Crimea. Growing up I I suffered from malnutrition and was constantly sick. The frequent doctor visits held me back from reaching my full potential in school. Seeing the devastating effects of poor health care, a dream was born in me to become a health care professional. However, I understood that my dream had very little room to flourish in the Ukraine for opportunities were limited. Things changed though, as they often do in life.

Four years later, my family and I moved to the United States as refugees based on religious persecutions. Once on the US soil, I was scheduled many doctor visits to try to help my body reach the average development of a 10-year-old. This was the second place where my love for healthcare grew. I was given many shots and vitamins and within a year I caught up with the size of my peers. Grateful for the United States and its healthcare, I knew that I had to give back to the field.

During high-school, I began shadowing in many different health-care settings. My most memorable moment came from shadowing in US Oncology, a local cancer clinic. I was standing next to a Physician Assistant (PA) while he explained to me what treatment his next patient was coming in for. He picked up the medication Nplate and explained that hematologic patients have extremely low platelet counts and need the drug to boost their platelet function. Memories of my sister's condition filled my mind. I asked if Nplate can be used for patients with thrombocytopenia. Surprised by my knowledgeable question, the PA smiled and said, "Oh yes, it is a life saver for patients with thrombocytopenia." My heart dropped because I understood that the medication that the PA was holding in his hands could have saved my sister's life if it was available in the Ukraine. That specific moment moves me more than anything else. I want to help people like Zhenya who would not have survived without the help of medicine.

The following year I was involved in a car accident that would solidify my decision of becoming a PA. While driving on a high-speed freeway, my SUV was hit by a semi and sent my car spinning out of control. I remember riding in the ambulance for what seemed like the longest ride of my life. In the dazed background I heard a paramedic yell, "Her blood pressure is dropping dangerously low! We need to get her to the emergency room as fast as possible." I did not know what was wrong, but all I knew was that there was a lot of blood, dizziness, and pain. I woke up in a cool hospital room with a physician assistant standing next to my bed. He explained to me that I was involved in a high speed vehicle collision and, luckily, the only serious concern was a brain concussion and broken clavicle. With tears rolling down my cheeks, once again I was thankful for the help of a medical professional who intervened during the most vulnerable time of my life. Laying in that emergency room, I was amazed at the amount of time and care the PA was able to give me. He did not rush, but took his time to answer all of my questions. I fell in love with the profession of a Physician Assistant and knew that I had to pursue the career.

After I fully recovered from my injury, I signed up to volunteer in the emergency room for shadowing opportunities and utilization of my CNA license. I enjoyed expanding my knowledge of the role of the midlevel PA and their autonomy as well as the collaborative work. I obtained a strong understanding in the role of the PA in meeting the shortage of medical doctors. While being in the emergency room, the PAs gave me the opportunity to witness an enormous amount of emergency situations. I stood by the wife of a dying cancer patient, witnessed a cardiac arrest, watched the medical team handle an over-dose situation, and read over patient charts and care plans. Seeing emergency medicine in operation amongst doctors and PAs has been an enjoyment that drove me to pursue the career of a PA even further.

I feel blessed with the opportunity to have seen every side of the medical field. I have been the child without proper healthcare, the patient, the volunteer in the emergency room, and the voice behind the insurance company. I want to become the health care provider treating my patients with the same high quality care that I have been treated with.

[Forensikchic]

I loved the opening! Very moving... I was drawn in. You kept my attention the whole time! Great paper..

Consider these changes:
Take out the "myself" from I myself suffered.

Try these...
Seeing the devastating effects of poor health care motivated me to become a health care professional.

Once on the US soil, I visited many doctors to try to help my body reach the average development of a 10-year-old.

I want to help people like Zhenya who could not survive without the help of medicine.

While driving on a high-speed freeway, my vehicle was hit by a tractor-trailer and sent my car spinning out of control.

I remember riding in the ambulance for what seemed forever.

I did not know what was wrong; however, I knew was there was a lot of blood, dizziness, and pain.

After I fully recovered from my injuries, I signed up to volunteer in the emergency room as a shadow. I knew I could use my skill as a Certified Nurses Assistant (CNA) to help others. I enjoyed expanding my knowledge of the role of a PA and their autonomy as well as their collaborative work. I gained a strong understanding in the role of the PA in this setting.

and the voice behind the insurance company ? Where does this fit in? I would take this out since you dont talk about working in insurance.

I want to become the health care provider treating my patients with the same high quality care that I have been afforded.

I also think you should make a stronger conclusion. Its too short. The ER paragraph is really too long.. take some of the detail out and make it a little more concise.. otherwise, great paper and story!!!