I'm currently in the process of editing my essay. The general structure and most the information is there I just need some help using the write words and getting this essay to flow better. There's still a lot of notes on here that I added and it's pretty disorganized but any help/suggestions on what to cut out and what more to include, or even just reframing sentences would help. I'm very bad at this sort of thing especially editing
Ayde woke with new eyes. She clung to me as I began to remove the bandages off her face. Her grip and recitation of prayers said it all. She was terrified. Ayde had just received cataract surgery at our volunteer ophthalmological clinic in Tarapoto, Peru. Like many others at the clinic, her abnormally thick cataracts had left her blind at just the age of 50. Earlier we had bonded (show this). I watched her surgery. Afterward, I was permitted to help transport Senora Gonzalez to her recovery room. When her eyes blinked open after her surgery, they held a wonder and joy which I will never forget. She clasped her rosary beads and thanked me for selecting her as one of our patients for the clinic I had coordinated.
I am a first-generation Peruvian-American. I grew up eating ceviche and making alfajores with my grandmother, yet I never fully understood what life is like for those in my homeland who lacked the privilege my physician parents were able to provide. In Tarapoto, I learned that my family’s experiences in Peru were far from the whole story. We served patients of diverse backgrounds but all had significant need. As a medical assistant, I comforted patients while prepping them for surgery and provided post-op care. Serving these patients showed me the responsibility medical providers have to help those with great need. My two medical mission trips to Peru gave me the confidence that, as a physician assistant, I can provide people in need with quality care and play a role in changing their lives. (need to show more and tell less)
I want to add a sentence or so that highlights the significance of my volunteer trips: Over both trips we performed hundreds of free cataract and pterygium removal surgeries, that essentially cured people of their blindness because the cataracts of these people were so thick they were virtually blind, or the pterygium grew so big that it stretched from the edge of their eye all the way to their pupils. These are relatively simple procedures in the US, and it was just because of their lack of medical services and lack of money that they were stuck being blind when they could have so easily been treated. It’s because of people like my father, his colleagues in Lima and I guess myself that these people can see. Thousands of the local population of Tarapoto applied to receive this free service but in the end I had to sort through these applications and based on the guidelines provided, selected the best candidates, which of course professionals also reviewed to make sure I did a good job. So in the end we only could help a couple hundred of the thousands that applied. This last point is a bit morbid though, and dont know if it has a place in this kind of essay but it makes it more real and emotional. I dont know just a thought.
[Insert paragraph that succinctly explains why you decided to become a PA by reworking the information below based on our conversation: Shadowing PAs provided me with more patient contact and the opportunity to observe many different specialties, sparking my interest in the emergency room and interventional radiology (IR). The most touching experience was when the the IR PA went to see a baby dying of junctional epidermolysis bullosa (JEB), a rare skin disease. I admired the way she comforted the mother who knew her baby was going to die in just a few weeks. I witnessed how she tenderly inspected the baby’s body for any new lesions. Any mishandling of the baby could have resulted in serious lesion to the baby’s skin because of how sensitive the skin becomes with the fatal skin condition. (write more about this experience; Where you say “shadowing PAs provided me with more patient contact, can you adjust this to show how the PA interacted with a patient and what he/she did that you admired and saw yourself doing.). PA, I can specialize in a field at any point in my career and can learn on the job if that specialty is right for me. My patient care goals as a PA would be to practice in underserved areas where I can help those in the direst of need, bridge the spanish-english language barriers by helping spanish only patients feel comfortable in knowing that there is someone who truly understands them and is fighting for their needs to be met, and that they won’t be cast aside merely because they can’t communicate their symptoms/complaints to a doctor or nurse in English. My volunteer experiences along with my exposure to shadowing PAs have given me the necessary foundation to know how to give all my patients the quality care they deserve regardless of their race, socioeconomic status or any other potentially discriminating factor. [Daniel will insert sentences about patient care goals as a PA - quality time with patients, language barriers, access to care, 2-3 sentences]. I like the potential of this paragraph to show another touching story, this time while shadowing a PA. I want to highlight the strength a PA must have when dealing with sensitive cases like this and the perfect mix of professionalism and empathy shown towards the mother. The PA listened to the mothers fears and concerns, handled the baby tenderly, comforted the mother. Quality patient-care.
I have continually sought challenging environments in which I could work with and learn from medical professionals with different perspectives and duties. During college, I worked as an assistant to athletic trainers and served as a scribe and medical assistant at a private ophthalmology practice. I took patient histories and observed eye exams, laser surgeries, chalazion removals, and glaucoma tests. (just seems like I’m listing stuff, show don’t tell. I’m not adding anything meaningful this whole paragraph that they wouldn’t get from my resume except for the opening and closing sentences) After college, I sought to diversify my skills, working as a pharmacy technician and then assuming my current position as research coordinator and lab assistant in the GI department of Nemours Hospital for Children. In this role, I run diagnostic tests on blood serum and stool samples to detect inflammation, manage data, and share results with the necessary providers. Integrating the scientific and academic dimensions of my work has expanded my outlook and helped me keep up with developments in medicine and changes in the PA profession. (I think we should cut this paragraph and turn it into something that shows a story) Maybe we can keep parts of it. Personally I like it but it doesn’t seem to be what admissions is looking for. Maybe turn into a paragraph about the “teamwork ability” I have gained from my jobs and how I also saw that same teamwork in my PA shadowing and how that confirms for me that I can do it. again show through anecdotes instead of telling.
Over the years, I grew intrigued by the benefits that translational medicine could bring to my work as a PA. I began pursuing skills that align with the three pillars of translational medicine: benchside, bedside, and community. In my current role, I have obtained study consent from over 60 patients and their parents, greatly enhancing my ability to build rapport. I have honed my bedside approach to gain the trust of kids and their parents and bridge the disconnect between the researcher and study participants. More recently, I have been studying the benchside aspect of translational medicine. I collect blood serum samples and stool samples to test for celiac disease and high calprotectin levels, read results, manage data, and share results with the ordering providers. This has shown me the importance of ordering the correct tests based on patient symptoms and excellent communication between doctors and lab technicians. My hope as a PA is to use these pillars as a guide for how I approach each new patient. While taking there history, I’ll make them feel welcome so they don't feel embarrassed about something that is bothering them. I’ll use my knowledge as a researcher and lab member to have a better idea of what tests are necessary, and how long it will take to get results back. Lastly, I would like to serve in an underserved community to help those that may not otherwise get the best care. [I think we need a sentence here that better shows how you hope to apply this with patients as a PA.] I’m honestly starting to feel intimidated by the talk of translation medicine when I really don’t know what it is or how i would apply it. I think it would be something that could help me stand out but I just dont know how translational medicine fits into being a PA.
When pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in Neuroscience and Philosophy at Franklin and Marshall College, I struggled to maintain my grades in sophomore and senior year due to lack of practical application of the information I was learning and my eagerness to explore opportunities in the real world. My professional, volunteer, and leadership opportunities have matured me as a student and a person, and I have earned A’s in my prerequisite classes. I am confident that I can properly manage my time and succeed in PA school.
I am grateful for the many challenges and opportunities that have contributed to my desire to become a physician assistant. My ultimate goal is to incorporate everything I have learned, from aiding a community in need to building rapport with patients to running the diagnostic tests on which health professionals and their patients rely. I will apply modern scientific findings to my practice of medicine while helping patients to the best of my ability. As a physician assistant, I can help communities lacking sufficient health services, truly connect with each of my patients, and provide the proper diagnostic tests and treatment to help them lead healthier lives