2nd time applicant looking for critiques

[Hillmanz]

Below is my personal statement I know its late in the game. Let me know what you think.


My decision to pursue a career as a physician assistant was solidified at a stadium and it literally all started with a big bang. I was serving as the lead EMT for a volunteer EMS service and the stadium was virtually empty except for people setting up a three-story stage for a performance. It was expected to be a very quiet shift, so I was assigned a crew of two, both of whom were working their first shift as newly certified EMTs. Close to the end of our shift, we heard a very loud crash followed by lots of commotion. I knew immediately that it wasn’t good. I ran to the stage and my crew followed nervously behind me. I had both of these EMTs as students in our Basic Training class and knew that their experience was limited, but I was fairly confident they would be able to keep their composure and assist me, although I must admit I did question it when I saw the initial looks on their faces.
We arrived at the stage and there was a crowd of people huddled around a man who had fallen from the stage scaffolding. I attempted to communicate with him, but did not get a response. One of the bystanders told me he had fallen from the top level of scaffolding to the ground and landed on his head. I immediately had one of the EMTs grab a C-collar and we applied it to his neck and ordered transport to a local trauma level 1 hospital. The patient then started to regain consciousness, and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief about that, but it remained clear that he had sustained significant injuries. I introduced myself and did my best to calm him while I got his vitals. His mental status was definitely altered and his anxiety increased, most likely due to his head trauma. He was having great difficulty processing information and seemed to have no short-term memory, even minute to minute. He was very confused about where he was, what had happened, who we were and why we were helping him. I walked him through everything we were doing, often repeating the information over and over again in as calming a voice as I could muster. We stabilized him to the backboard, tended to the secondary injuries from the fall, and began to head to the location where the Advanced Life Support ambulance was going to meet us. I held his hand to comfort him. The Advanced Life Support crew arrived and I quickly briefed them on the incident and provided the vitals. I knew he would now receive the best possible care, but it was difficult to leave him in his panicked state. I desperately wanted to go with him, but knew I could not do that. Instead, we returned to our station and reviewed together all that had happened.
So, how did this patient help me decide to be a physician assistant? Well, mostly it was because I wanted to be able to do more for this patient than I could as an EMT. I was proud of the care we all provided at the scene and felt good about my leadership with the new EMTs, but I wasn’t satisfied. It wasn’t just that I wanted to provide more comfort; I wanted to also provide more comprehensive medical care. I wanted to determine the extent of his injuries and help decide the best course of treatment. I wanted to be a part of the healthcare team that would hopefully give this patient a positive outcome. I had previously considered different roles in healthcare like nursing, but was really drawn toward the diagnostic side of medicine and developing curative treatment plans. I had worked quite a bit with PAs in the emergency room at my full-time job as an Emergency Center Technician. I liked that they worked with a supervising physician and I appreciated their role in providing cost-effective, efficient, and quality patient care, especially in an urban hospital. My shadowing experiences, career research, academic studies and patient care experiences also kept pointing me in the direction of being a PA.
I was very disappointed when I did not get into a PA program last year. I was waitlisted to a couple programs and this has only strengthened my resolve. I decided to go back to school this year to improve my GPA. Early in my college career I regrettably did not do as well as I could have in some of my courses and it affected my overall GPA. I worked this year to change that and maintained a 4.0 all year with a heavy science course load while working full-time at the hospital and volunteering regularly as an EMT. I did this because being a PA is what I really want and I am determined to do what I need to do to achieve my goal.


I look forward to hearing what you guys think and any advice you guys may have for me and my personal statement. Thanks in advance.

[kaa0227]

Start your essay with the action. Your first sentence will turn off a reader. You can put the sentence at the end. Also show a personal side of yourself, not a lot but just enough that the reader can relate. Your story is pretty much the whole essay except for the last paragraph. It is good but show color and your personal side. Also, keep yhour paragraphs short.