I reviewed and offered advice to patrickt0lan with Patient Care Tech and Ellieckay Respite caregiver for grandmother.
I feel that my essay does not flow very well. Also, does my intro come off as too sarcastic or negative?
Thanks!
I’ve chosen to pursue this career after having very influential personal and professional experiences. Unlike so many others descriptively portraying the moment they decided on a career in medicine, I have no dramatic stories involving lifesaving interventions or recalling of a single childhood event that has forever changed my life. Wanting to start a career in medicine as a Physician Assistant (PA) had been seeded after being treated by a PA during basic training. This was the first time I had ever encountered a PA. After a thorough assessment I was told my injury was diagnosed as achilles tendonosis, from overuse. He prescribed a walking boot and scheduled follow-up appointments. During each follow-up visit I learned something new about the profession. Listening to different PAs perspective, I found myself truly interested and left with intrigue after each appointment. I began to have a better understanding of the PA role and what the profession has to offer.
Prior to enlisting in the military, I began my collegiate career at a local college. Fresh out of high school I viewed myself as any other typical college student. Looking back, it was apparent that I was still immature and lacked direction. I explored career fields that I thought interested me that eventually lead to me enrolling in a variety of courses and changing majors. I didn’t achieve the grades I set for myself. Consequently, I felt the best option was to withdraw from certain courses in which I expected to excel in. I found myself lacking focus and failing to truly apply myself. Disheartened by the college scene and looking for guidance, I decided to take a break from my education. At the age of 18, I made the decision to enlist in the Air Force and was quickly off to basic training at Lackland Air Force Base in Texas.
After returning home from basic training, I was eager to begin taking the steps necessary to prepare myself for pursuing a career in medicine as a PA. My research into Western Michigan University’s PA program instilled confidence that I would be properly prepared to become a successful PA student. I enrolled at Western Michigan University and followed the pre-Physician Assistant (PA) route. At this point in time, I wanted to also be able to begin to develop the skills and knowledge demonstrated in quality clinicians. Eager to obtain patient care experiences in the medical field, I accepted employment in two separate healthcare roles while continuing towards completing my degree. Feeling extremely confident by having extensive health care experience and thorough knowledge of the PA profession, I was extremely excited to complete my application and be offered a seat into Western Michigan University’s Physician Assistant program.
After waiting for the weeks and months to crawl by, I finally received notice that I was not selected for invitation to an on campus interview. I was incredibly disappointed, devastated. However, my dedication and perseverance did not waiver. I reached out to advisers and admission committees in order to receive feedback. Using these recommendations I have devised and implemented a plan in order to improve my candidacy and improve the level of confidence admission committee has towards my abilities to excel in this academically rigorous program.
Academically, I have no hesitations that I will be a successful PA student. In order to further convey this to the admission committee, I felt that a few areas on my transcripts should be addressed first. This involved repeating necessary courses as well as enrolling in upper level science courses that are recommended. These included Pharmacology, Nutrition, Neurosciences, and the Human Anatomy Cadaver Lab. As a re-applicant, I am confident that the improvements I continue to make will reflect my dedication and desire to practice medicine as a PA. However, I didn’t want to stop here. I decided to enroll into Kalamazoo Valley Community College’s Respiratory Care Program. This would allow me to further build on my clinical skills and medical knowledge while proving to be very successful didactically. I have since graduated with honors from this program with a 3.96 program GPA.
Being in these healthcare positions over the past several years have provided the opportunity to observe and even work with practicing Physician Assistants. These areas include trauma care, medical intensive care, cardiac surgical care, and the emergency department among others. Being able to see the role of PAs within a team in clinical settings has allowed me to appreciate the level of trust and communication that is required between the physician, PA, and other healthcare staff. Building upon these experiences, I shadowed a surgical PA in each clinical and operating room settings have further cemented my decision in becoming a PA. I feel confident that I fully grasp what the PA profession encompasses and what is required as a PA to perform as a competent and effective provider.
2nd Draft: Please Comment
Re: 2nd Draft: Please Comment
Hello there!
Pro: you have a great story line to work with- I think it will ultimately be an awesome essay
Needs improvement: Instead of coming off "sarcastic" as you say, I would start off talking about the injury and the pain that you were in and how it was affecting you at basic training and that the first interaction intrigued you and actually gave you a name to the pain that you had. and gave you ways to try and fix the problem- whether it be through physical therapy or whatever. I then would follow it up by more and more interest as you met up with follow up visits. Talk about how that PA made you feel and how that motivated you to want to do the same. It doesnt have to be dramatic and life saving. But in the end we are trying to catch the attention of people who read hundreds of essays over a few month long period. Make every sentence count.
I hope this helped! I will be posting my first (very roug) draft of my PA essay later this evening most likely. Would love for you to check it out!
Pro: you have a great story line to work with- I think it will ultimately be an awesome essay
Needs improvement: Instead of coming off "sarcastic" as you say, I would start off talking about the injury and the pain that you were in and how it was affecting you at basic training and that the first interaction intrigued you and actually gave you a name to the pain that you had. and gave you ways to try and fix the problem- whether it be through physical therapy or whatever. I then would follow it up by more and more interest as you met up with follow up visits. Talk about how that PA made you feel and how that motivated you to want to do the same. It doesnt have to be dramatic and life saving. But in the end we are trying to catch the attention of people who read hundreds of essays over a few month long period. Make every sentence count.
I hope this helped! I will be posting my first (very roug) draft of my PA essay later this evening most likely. Would love for you to check it out!